Yesterday I read this article about Sabrina McKenna, who has been criticized because of the way she chooses to grieve for son her, Jamie. Sabrina spends money on gifts for her son, who died in her womb at 32 weeks gestation. (read the article by clicking the above link in red).
It upset me that she had received criticism from so many people who have absolutely no idea what she is going through. I posted about it on our Facebook page and got a lot of very interesting comments about it. Here are some of them:
"We do exactly the same my daughter lost her baby girl full term and as a family we all buy gifts etc to celebrate her memory. I wouldn't have it any other way as a Mama and my daughter, her husband, grandad and her other 3 children do the same, always will I don't give a damn what other people think or say if they haven't been through such a terrible tragedy they know nothing!"
"I think we shouldn't judge what she needs to do to go through the day. If that helps her that's the important bit. She's helping to raise funds for Sands...what a great lady."
"Grief has no boundries, limits or rights and wrongs. Each persons individual way is perfect for them, at that time. If family, friends, neighbours were to support this, then the grieving would be able to do so in a gentler, and healther way..."
"I think it's great that she's raising money for Sands, doing something positive in memory of her son. The day she donates all those toys to children who can enjoy them will hopefully be very healing for her too, although I'm sure it'll be hard and emotional as well. I've always found the things I do in memory of my daughter that help others have been of the most benefit to me during my grieving, because it feels like that's the best way for me to honour her existence, but I have some mementos of her that I cherish also, and probably always will. I wish this woman all the best for the future in moving forward with her life (and I don't mean by that 'getting over' her loss or 'moving on'). The people that are insulting and ridiculing her are just horrible, cruel and totally lack empathy."
It upset me that she had received criticism from so many people who have absolutely no idea what she is going through. I posted about it on our Facebook page and got a lot of very interesting comments about it. Here are some of them:
"We do exactly the same my daughter lost her baby girl full term and as a family we all buy gifts etc to celebrate her memory. I wouldn't have it any other way as a Mama and my daughter, her husband, grandad and her other 3 children do the same, always will I don't give a damn what other people think or say if they haven't been through such a terrible tragedy they know nothing!"
"I think we shouldn't judge what she needs to do to go through the day. If that helps her that's the important bit. She's helping to raise funds for Sands...what a great lady."
"Grief has no boundries, limits or rights and wrongs. Each persons individual way is perfect for them, at that time. If family, friends, neighbours were to support this, then the grieving would be able to do so in a gentler, and healther way..."
"I think it's great that she's raising money for Sands, doing something positive in memory of her son. The day she donates all those toys to children who can enjoy them will hopefully be very healing for her too, although I'm sure it'll be hard and emotional as well. I've always found the things I do in memory of my daughter that help others have been of the most benefit to me during my grieving, because it feels like that's the best way for me to honour her existence, but I have some mementos of her that I cherish also, and probably always will. I wish this woman all the best for the future in moving forward with her life (and I don't mean by that 'getting over' her loss or 'moving on'). The people that are insulting and ridiculing her are just horrible, cruel and totally lack empathy."
I've been giving this a lot of thought. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, each person has to get through it in their own way. All grief is difficult. The loss of a child, of any age, is just about the hardest thing anyone who is a parent could ever go through. This doesn't change because they are a baby. It's still your child. Why are people so quick to judge others?
I haven't lost a baby myself, thankfully. But during the making of Still Loved, working with and hearing from so many families, reading articles and books and listening to radio interview, hearing so many families share their stories, it is so clear that every person finds their own way of coping. Even within a family or a couple who have lost the same child, each of them deals with it in their own way and it's not for us to judge.
I haven't lost a baby myself, thankfully. But during the making of Still Loved, working with and hearing from so many families, reading articles and books and listening to radio interview, hearing so many families share their stories, it is so clear that every person finds their own way of coping. Even within a family or a couple who have lost the same child, each of them deals with it in their own way and it's not for us to judge.
As a society we're so quick to judge others generally aren't we? We judge people on their sexuality, race, gender, how they dress, who they choose to marry, or not marry, we judge women who decide they don't want children, we make judgement about people's work....all kinds of life choices.
I wonder this. If someone's decisions to do something, or not do something, doesn't hurt anyone one else, who are we to judge? What business is it of ours? Why can't we just try and be supportive instead?
Empathy, compassion, love and kindness....those qualities would go a long way generally. We might not naturally understand everyone's choices, but maybe we should just try?
I wonder this. If someone's decisions to do something, or not do something, doesn't hurt anyone one else, who are we to judge? What business is it of ours? Why can't we just try and be supportive instead?
Empathy, compassion, love and kindness....those qualities would go a long way generally. We might not naturally understand everyone's choices, but maybe we should just try?
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